Flaw-Star Game: Why the MLB All-Star Game is the Most Insufferable Event in Sports, Part 1
July 11, 2011 1 Comment
Barney is mad. Why, you ask? Because we’ve reached the least wonderful time of the year. Yes, sports fans, we have reached that infamous week on the sports calendar where there is simply nothing on to keep us diehards entertained. And not only is the lack of sporting events upsetting to Barney, but the sporting events that actually take place are even more upsetting. Let him explain.
The MLB All-Star game is the arguably the least interesting event in all of sports. I seriously do not understand why anyone with a functioning IQ would be entertained by watching a baseball game that DOESN’T EVEN MATTER. Trust me, it’s hard enough to watch baseball that does matter. Sometimes, instead of getting off my ass to walk a block to the gym, I’ll simply watch a Yankees game start to finish and by the end of the 3+ hour affair I will have sweat so much and become so mentally drained that I won’t even feel guilty about skipping out on a workout. It’s truly a trying experience to get through an entire ballgame. And, again, those games matter. To an extent. The All-Star Game matters about as much as a game of memory matching with your Alzheimer’s-stricken grandma.
Now yes, I know all you baseball
fags nerds out there are going red over the fact that I said the All-Star Game doesn’t matter for anything more than to entertain all you people who get aroused by the possibility of a Golden Sombrero (i.e., baseball nerds). “How dare you, Barney!? The All-Star Game determines home field advantage in the World Series.” And my response to you all is 1). Go fuck yourselves and 2). No one cares about winning home field advantage in the World Series. It is in my humble opinion that home field advantage in the World Series is flawed, because of the 2-3-2 format that baseball employs. In a series where the home team plays on the road for three straight games, home field advantage amounts to nothing more than a concept that air-headed analysts like John Kruk can point to as the “X-Factor” of a series. Think about it: if the away team simply wins one of the first two games, the series tilts in their favor, and they suddenly have the “home field” advantage. Furthermore, if players really cared about getting then why would all the players from the best teams drop out of the game!? Almost all of the 16 players that have dropped out of this year’s game are on team’s in contention for the WS. You really think they give a shit about home field advantage? Hell no.
The idea of the winning league getting home field advantage in the WS was a stupid gimmick introduced by Major League Baseball after the infamous 2002 All-Star game that ended in a 7-7 tie, because they thought it would boost TV ratings and spark player interest in the game. Well, it hasn’t. In fact, amazingly, it has done the opposite. TV ratings for the All-Star game have dropped almost every year since the home field advantage idea was introduced in 2003. And in terms of player interest, well, again, the fact that 16 players have dropped out of this year’s ASG is evidence enough that the players simply don’t give a shit about the game. Yes, that’s right, 16 of baseball’s most beloved players are not playing in the game, citing everything from injures to recent pitching starts to the fact that they just don’t want to play. Seriously, the MLB asked Cubs 3B Aramis Ramirez to play in the game after so many other players had withdrew and he turned them down. He’s not injured, wasn’t asked by his team not to play, etc., etc., he simply didn’t want to play. And I can imagine many players share the same sentiment, whether they are willing to openly admit it or not. So not only are players “playing” (in reality, players play for a few innings and pitchers pitch for at most two innings) for something that doesn’t even really matter, but they are playing BASEBALL. EXHIBITION BASEBALL. MY NAME IS STEPHEN A. SMITH AND I LIKE TO YELL. Sorry. But, really, need I say more?
So essentially, you’ve got a game that the players don’t care about, the managers don’t care about, and, increasingly, the average baseball fan does not care about. And it doesn’t matter for shit. It is truly a waste of my time, your time, and Ron Washington’s time. For God’s sake, let the man have this week to do his drugs in peace! Hallelujah!