Intern Diaries: Use and Abuse of the Lunch Break

Being an intern is like swimming in the Dead Sea: as hard as you try day after day, you just don’t do anything or get anywhere. But with years of interning experience under our collective belts, we here at the Creatures have picked up on some tricks of the trade. And one of those has to do with everyone’s favorite part of the day (besides Happy Hour): lunch. It’s a vital part of anyone’s internship, although some seem to take the idea of a lunch break lightly. And C-LO is not afraid to mince words like meat when it comes to those who would rather value stock IPO’s than their lunch break. Time to eat, people!

Some of you interns out there do not receive the luxury of leaving your cubicle/work station for lunch. And for that, I pity you. Seriously, I fucking pity you. You are an office drone who is a slave to the man. Your employer has not been generous enough to provide you with the proper amenity that is your lunch break. This quite frankly is sad, and now you are realizing it.

But yet, there is another group out there. Those uppity few interns out there that actually think they are doing important work. Here’s some free advice…you’re not. Those Excel sheets that you’re filling out? Worthless. That “presentation” you just read over nine times to make sure it was perfect? Insignificant. You’re doing the same pointless shit that every one of your friends is doing. The only difference is that they are doing it with a full belly of lunch in their stomachs and a clear head for getting out of the office for an hour.

Use and abuse of the lunch break is paramount. It’s a way to cut your day short and get away from those piece of shit individuals that you so affectionately refer to as your colleagues. Listen, if your company has been generous enough to offer you a massive olive branch here you fucking grab onto it and don’t let go. If you’re too stupid to accept this gift, then you are dumber than a Florida jury and I do not feel bad for you.

Don’t be the schmuck that thinks it’s cool to go out to the PAX, Pret a Manager, or COSI across from your building, grab a sandwich and bring it back to eat at your desk. Call a friend, go out with another intern, leave your fucking office for an hour. Hell, leave for an hour and a half. You’re an intern for Christ sake! I promise no one will notice or care. And if they do, you tell them you were poop spacing and that far left handicap stall had your name written on it since you walked in at 9 am.